Are you working for retirement?

This is my personal story of how my lack of awareness and avoidance of the core issues had me working for retirement (in my late 20s), and how coaching helped me to address and overcome them.

Ambition, a fear of failure, and perfectionism

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, my approach to work in my prior career was unsustainable, driven by ambition, a fear of failure, and perfectionism. I burned the candle at both ends, frequently working into the early hours of the morning and getting little sleep.

A small part of me felt proud of my dedication and work ethic, but a larger part was embarrassed and ashamed of how much I worked. I knew my perfectionism caused inefficiencies and slowed down the pace of my work. I knew I was taking on more responsibility than I should have been, not leveraging work down to my team, and certainly not setting appropriate boundaries; the type I wish I could have set.

Work was constantly on my mind, and a new client email on my phone was always there to remind me of it. I didn’t want to be working that way, but it was the only way I knew how, and I didn’t know how to change and still get the results I wanted (or even better results).

Don’t get me wrong, some drivers were inherent to the industry, like high weekly billable hour goals, constant internal and external deadlines, and client demands. Those alone would cause someone to work a lot, but when coupled with my lack of boundaries/fear of failure/perfectionist approach, I was primed for burnout and not reaching my potential. I was very “successful” on paper, but I constantly felt like I was hanging by a thread.

A big void

I remember heading into some weekends and most vacations with the intention of somehow “figuring it all out.” I was going to get the clarity I had been looking for in my career. I felt like I was always searching for something. I read books on time management and autobiographies of great business leaders. They were interesting and may have helped in some ways, but certainly were not the answer for me.

At the time, I didn’t realize wanting professional success, but not being able to achieve it without overextending myself created a large void—I was unfulfilled. I filled that void with two things:

1. Activities that felt productive

Before I could do things that were done strictly for fun or enjoyment, I always felt I had to complete productive tasks, like chores or projects around the house, or maybe a few more hours of work for my job. I guess I felt like I had to “earn” my fun. The problem was if I had worked a lot, but I didn’t feel like I had accomplished much I didn’t get a productive feeling, so I wasn’t satisfied. And I think that was often the case at work.

As a result, I did a lot less of what I considered fun and enjoyable, which was less enjoyable and harmful to working through what was holding me back—my perfectionism and fear of failure.

2. Desire for financial freedom

Financial freedom, to me, was a way to escape the constant weight on my shoulders I let my career put on me. It meant I had options; I wouldn’t be reliant on my job for money—I could do whatever I wanted. This was my way out. So, I focused on saving and investing money as much as I could. I was hoping for early retirement because, in my mind, that was when I could finally enjoy life.

Financial freedom is a good thing. Who doesn’t want to have options? But there were a couple of problems with that approach:

Not enjoying life until retirement – Obviously, this is an issue. Not only would I essentially be trying to “fast-forward” my children’s lives with that approach, but living for the future, instead of the present is obviously not how you want to live. Especially when that future is likely 20 years down the road—yikes! Talk about setting myself up for a life full of regret. Further, once you get used to always looking ahead, you can’t just turn it off; you then struggle to enjoy the present.

Not addressing the cause of the void – Even if I achieved financial freedom at say 50 years old and retired from my career, which was FAR from guaranteed, what had held me back and taken such a toll on me in my career—that fear of failure and perfectionism—was going to follow me there. My vision of retirement didn’t consider the internal blocks I was currently facing, and how they would continue to prevent me from living the life I wanted to.

This was all subconscious at the time—I didn’t know I was trying to fill a void, and I wasn’t aware of how much my perfectionism and fear of failure were holding me back, nor the issues they were causing.

As you may have guessed, however, that’s where coaching comes in. Coaching would have brought more awareness to my situation and those internal blocks that were holding me back. It would have been the vehicle that helped me work through them, and it eventually was.

Finding what I had been looking for

I finally addressed the fear of failure and perfectionism. To my surprise, working with a coach to simply pinpoint exactly what the issue was and bringing awareness to it was the biggest step in overcoming it. The process was so much simpler and less painful than I had anticipated. I remember feeling so empowered the moment I began addressing it because finally, I was doing something about it.

What if my organization had provided me with coaching, or subsidized and connected me with a coach to work with? I think about how I would have worked through my internal blocks much earlier in my career, instead of going unaddressed for so long. I think about how much more confidence I would have had. I think about how much better I would have been able to perform. I think about how much more I would have enjoyed my job.

With a coach, you aren’t alone.

You have a partner.

One who cares.

One who listens, and without judgment.

One who asks the right questions and can peel back the layers to get to the core issue or block.

One who anticipates and supports you when you experience doubt, or setbacks.

One who believes in you, even when you don’t.

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If you or your organization is interested in coaching, please visit www.jordantepfer.com to get more information, or book a free discovery call here to get more information and see if we might be a fit for each other.